[She knows exactly what Thane is getting at and suggesting she do, but can it really be that simple? Elizabeth had hardly cried over the course of her life, even though she'd had plenty to cry over. Whether it was the fact that the scale of her situation was being hidden from her, or the sheer vitriol she harbored for Comstock that refused to let her feel any kind of overwhelm or weakness, she hadn't made it a usual thing. But she needs it now, she's built up too much over the course of twenty-some-odd years to keep it all inside in a nice, orderly package.]
[Thane gave her the suggestion, and it seems her subconscious took the invitation before she could finish thinking about it. When Elizabeth opens her mouth to say she'll think about it, nothing comes out because her throat is closing. She can't see Thane because her eyes are tearing up, alarmingly quickly. This is probably the first time anyone's given her permission to cry, Ivan included, and so there's a lot of catching up she's apparently prepared to do.]
...I keep having to say goodbye to people I love, and every time I've never been able to mourn losing them. But I see them every day, and I can't look away. How can I say goodbye when I can't stop seeing them? H-how can I go forward when the one person who forced me to live in the present is gone, and I've been left with constant reminders of him and everything that was done to give me this, this cursed thing that I just-- just wish would finally leave me?
[It's a long monologue for someone crying through her words, and when she finishes, Elizabeth scoots a little closer to Thane, wondering if he'll just... hug her for a minute. Even after everything she's told him about how dangerous she is.]
I want to go home-- to the Moira-- I want a home, I'm tired of walking, I'm tired of this constant search for a place I can safely exist in. [She's losing her grip on her tight, controlled sobs and sniffles the longer the list gets.] My friends are gone or in cryo, I don't know which discs have my personal things and which ones have the library collection, I'm carrying around a scrap of the Moira's hull like that will keep me from feeling homesick and heartbroken-- and I haven't bathed or worn clean clothes in weeks!!
[Which has happened to her before, but somehow that's the breaking point in addition to everything else that's going on. Elizabeth starts crying in earnest, and it's better than the screaming and silent pain she'd been forcing on herself for the months previous. It feels real.]
no subject
[Thane gave her the suggestion, and it seems her subconscious took the invitation before she could finish thinking about it. When Elizabeth opens her mouth to say she'll think about it, nothing comes out because her throat is closing. She can't see Thane because her eyes are tearing up, alarmingly quickly. This is probably the first time anyone's given her permission to cry, Ivan included, and so there's a lot of catching up she's apparently prepared to do.]
...I keep having to say goodbye to people I love, and every time I've never been able to mourn losing them. But I see them every day, and I can't look away. How can I say goodbye when I can't stop seeing them? H-how can I go forward when the one person who forced me to live in the present is gone, and I've been left with constant reminders of him and everything that was done to give me this, this cursed thing that I just-- just wish would finally leave me?
[It's a long monologue for someone crying through her words, and when she finishes, Elizabeth scoots a little closer to Thane, wondering if he'll just... hug her for a minute. Even after everything she's told him about how dangerous she is.]
I want to go home-- to the Moira-- I want a home, I'm tired of walking, I'm tired of this constant search for a place I can safely exist in. [She's losing her grip on her tight, controlled sobs and sniffles the longer the list gets.] My friends are gone or in cryo, I don't know which discs have my personal things and which ones have the library collection, I'm carrying around a scrap of the Moira's hull like that will keep me from feeling homesick and heartbroken-- and I haven't bathed or worn clean clothes in weeks!!
[Which has happened to her before, but somehow that's the breaking point in addition to everything else that's going on. Elizabeth starts crying in earnest, and it's better than the screaming and silent pain she'd been forcing on herself for the months previous. It feels real.]