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ex_forcechoke292) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
thisavrou_log2016-06-26 08:04 pm
ex_forcechoke292) wrote in thisavrou_log2016-06-26 08:04 pm
[closed;] built to fall apart, then fall back together
Who: Anakin Skywalker (forcechoke) & Padmé Amidala (padbae)
When: 6/26
Where: Around the Moira. Starting between the medbay and MERO deck.
What: Someone wakes up from cryo in the middle of a crisis. It's a day that ends in -Y. [*VADERGATE, a drama in (like) 15 parts (or something), this being the eighth of those 15 parts.]
Warnings: Same token warnings for depression/self-loathing talk and everything that's come with #VADERGATE to this point. Will update as/if necessary.
[It has taken Anakin some significant time since the revelation of his (supposed) future for him to be generally cognizant enough of his surroundings and the comings-and-goings of the people around him for him to finally question Kenobi on Padmé's suddenly conspicuous absence. And longer still for his curiosity and concern for her well-being to win out over his loathing and the idea that he's so unsafe that this is really the best solution for them both.
With the rest of the ship in tense preparation for an impending conflict, battle or otherwise (he is so far removed and so minutely focused that it's a secondary consideration), he's thankful that the path up toward the medbay from his new place in the barracks is relatively empty. He doesn't have to answer passing questions or feign interest in a subject he's paid reprehensibly little attention to.
So it's a surprise, when he's so distracted by that lack of distraction, that he runs into anyone else on his way toward the cryostasis pods. And literally at that. A mistake, Skywalker.]
I--sorry.
[It's only then that he turns to regard that presence head on, focused enough to try to lend a hand and stabilize them both. And it's in that same moment that the recognition takes less than a fraction of a second, and he's internally damning himself for not sensing her coming.]
Padmé?!
forcechoke) & Padmé Amidala (padbae)When: 6/26
Where: Around the Moira. Starting between the medbay and MERO deck.
What: Someone wakes up from cryo in the middle of a crisis. It's a day that ends in -Y. [*VADERGATE, a drama in (like) 15 parts (or something), this being the eighth of those 15 parts.]
Warnings: Same token warnings for depression/self-loathing talk and everything that's come with #VADERGATE to this point. Will update as/if necessary.
[It has taken Anakin some significant time since the revelation of his (supposed) future for him to be generally cognizant enough of his surroundings and the comings-and-goings of the people around him for him to finally question Kenobi on Padmé's suddenly conspicuous absence. And longer still for his curiosity and concern for her well-being to win out over his loathing and the idea that he's so unsafe that this is really the best solution for them both.
With the rest of the ship in tense preparation for an impending conflict, battle or otherwise (he is so far removed and so minutely focused that it's a secondary consideration), he's thankful that the path up toward the medbay from his new place in the barracks is relatively empty. He doesn't have to answer passing questions or feign interest in a subject he's paid reprehensibly little attention to.
So it's a surprise, when he's so distracted by that lack of distraction, that he runs into anyone else on his way toward the cryostasis pods. And literally at that. A mistake, Skywalker.]
I--sorry.
[It's only then that he turns to regard that presence head on, focused enough to try to lend a hand and stabilize them both. And it's in that same moment that the recognition takes less than a fraction of a second, and he's internally damning himself for not sensing her coming.]
Padmé?!
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She doesn't even notice the person she's walking towards, too lost in the memories of...Anakin... and a prison, and a mall? The ocean. They all flit together like dreams tend to do, without time to lace them together. Her eyes are focused on something distant, and not on the very real Anakin Skywalker so she runs directly into. She yelps, the feel of his chest under her hands all too familiar, and she shouts his name at the same time he says hers, and then throws both arms around his neck.]
Anakin! You're still here!
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The spin in that hug is not so much jubilant as it is desperate. He tucks his head into her shoulder for the duration and just breathes. She's here, she's awake, she's alright. That's all that matters. He even thinks not to answer for a moment, as if he could just prolong this moment and simply be.]
What are you talking about? Of course I'm still here.
[But the curiosity always begs, doesn't it? As if it's not what's left him in this state to start with.
As if it hasn't already damned them all.]no subject
[ Padmé presses her nose into his hair, kissing his curls before allowing herself to slide back to her feet, pulling away just far enough to look up at him. She can sense there's something wrong in the tenseness of his shoulders, but shes' too excited to see him to address it just yet. ]
Years, for certain. I nearly forgot.
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Anakin finally shakes his head.]
It's only been a couple weeks.
[Only. If he had known, if he had been paying attention, it would have felt even more like an eternity. A hand slowly, tentatively, reaches for the side of her face, the touch overly soft.]
I-- [He stops short, realizing the denial doesn't really have a point when his priority is standing right in front of him.] Padmé, I'm not going anywhere.
[
Even if he wishes she would.]no subject
I'm sorry, for leaving. I'm not sure when I did, to be honest.
[ She slides her hands down his neck, eyebrows furrowing. ]
Is everything alright?
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It's already too much. So much she doesn't deserve, and kindness in return that he doesn't either.
He inhales sharply at her question, and has to restrain himself from breaking down and taking solace in her presence right there in the middle of the hallway. His gaze breaks off, finding the floor a better option in the face of the love he doesn't--can't ever--deserve. This is your burden, Skywalker. Restraint. He forces back the tears and simply shakes his head.
No. Nothing is alright.
Instead, all he says is:] We shouldn't do this here.
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[ She furrows her eyebrows, taking a quick step back, looking around the empty hallway. It's the habit of living in hiding for as long as they have, the quiet paranoia that she gave them away. But it doesnt take long for her to remind herself that the Moira was clear grounds. Shouldn't? ]
I'm sorry Anakin.
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No, it's--it's not that. It's just too much to explain here.
[Clear grounds, perhaps, but not when one child is bound and determined to avoid you, and a grandson is bound and determined with the same ferocity to seemingly make all of that warning happen. Leia deserves her space, Kylo Ren a wide berth, and Padmé doesn't deserve this at all (but if it must be done, it shouldn't be in an easily-interruptible, lifeless corridor...even if that's what he thinks he deserves, it's not what he wants to give back in kind).
Even if he may not deserve the grace of her taking it, he offers her an arm.]
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[ She takes his hand instead, clasping it between hers. Anakin may think himself hard to read, but to her it's like opening a book just to look into his eyes. The why is harder to discern, still wobbling on facts and memories, most still too distant to keep hold of.]
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With Obi-Wan, he knows where they stand at almost all times. And under the circumstances, he doesn't think Obi-Wan would mind overmuch. (That interruption, of any others, might make this easier, but he doesn't dare hope for that. This is his burden to shoulder as solely as he can.)
The hand in his is bolstering enough, and as it always has, creates a hopeful flutter in his chest. It's dim, and it's muffled, but it's enough. She deserves to know. Even if she doesn't deserve any of this coming to pass, doesn't deserve this given to her as a truth, she deserves, at the very least, to know what it is she's walking into.
The short journey passes in tense silence, and the only solace he allows himself is the touch she's granted him for the duration. Once in the room, even that guard drops: his shoulders slump into a posture far too old for him, and his exhaustion adds seeming years that aren't there. He leads her to the bed first, then slides down to sit on the end, free hand instinctively retreating into his oversized sleeve.]
Do you remember after we ended up on that space station, where we found Obi-Wan's lightsaber? How he and I came back with--[he grits his teeth here, the pain of that betrayal and all it will come to signify is like setting a match to gasoline, and he has to try and bite it back, lest he start breathing smoke]--news about the Chancellor? How he'd...had his apprentice, this Vader [he almost chokes on the word] end the Order for him?
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[ It's an echo of a memory that's slowly starting to take shape. Clutching Anakin's arm as that horrid contraption opened. The news about the chancellor...The Chancellor! How could she have forgotten-
Padmé chokes back the anxiety that bubbles up inside of her. Instead she scoots closer to him, reaching for his hand again, needing his contact to ground her.]
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I'm supposed to become Vader.
[Blunt. The only way he's really ever known how to "temper" anything. The words come out distant, moreso than they had when he'd broken this--no, when Obi-Wan found him like this, among the shattered remnants of the room that had unfortunately been the first casualty. They still make him want to vomit, and the anxiety roiling in his stomach makes him feel like he might.
Hate me, he thinks. Hate me and just leave, it's safer.
It's hardly what he wants.]no subject
You? There's no way.
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[He'll let Leia explain it first, playing that message on his MID. Those words hold as much sting as they ever have, and he silently hopes someone other than he and his once-and-again-estranged daughter take seriously. His fingers tighten around hers. Let go. Don't go. Make it hurt. Just--please...
He sucks in a long breath, and ends up releasing a dry sob as he slumps his head against her shoulder. He wants this. Her. But he shouldn't. He can't--this isn't fair.]
This isn't safe for you. [A whisper.] I'm not--
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[ She shakes her head again, more firmly this time. ]
I don't see it in you. I can't imagine you doing anything but fighting to save people, not torture them.
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[If he did, he'd find it and...eliminate it. Stop this. Prove a point. He wouldn't admit it as a weakness if he could suss it out so easily. He inhales again, shakily.]
I've--I've seen that monster's mask. [His mask.] I've felt it. Her pain isn't...she isn't lying.
[Trauma that vibrant can't lie.]
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Anakin. Why do you think we're all from different points in time, and yet...we're all here?
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I don't know, but you sound like you have a reason.
[She wouldn't posit if she didn't. He sighs. He wishes they weren't. For all that thinking that they were all making up for lost time, he wishes desperately that they could take it all back. He's had the inkling since Mortis that he's known something was wrong; it's been erased for their own good once, maybe. Seemingly.
Is it selfish to want that (again)?]
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[ Padmé gently scoots closer, pulling his hand into her lap and lacing both hands around his. She rests her cheek onto his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. She can't imagine these hands doing anything as horrible as what that space station insinuated. ]
I may not even be your Padmé. And you? You're not guaranteed to become what ever leia's Anakin may have become.
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He looks at their hands intertwined and has a sinking feeling; it's everything he's wanted and everything that until now has made him feel complete, but now--is this even real?]
Then why does this feel real? Why do they? [If Luke and Leia aren't their--his children, why would the Force practically point at them with flashing neon lights?
And quieter still:] Why do you?