it's the pain that brings my force of nature back to life

[culver]

Who: Nill [culver] & Badou [brokeassgoing].
When: 15 November.
Where: The makeshift camp.
What: Children making bad decisions with cigarettes.
Warnings: N/A.

Fear is nothing new to Nill. She'd lived the majority of her rather short life in fear; fearing men, fearing the world outside the church, fearing what would happen if Heine lost control of the Dog. Fearing that Bishop would one day cast her out, that Naoto would lose herself, that Badou--

Badou.

She doesn't know if she has any fears for Badou. Or maybe she has too many--he's complicated, even if he doesn't present himself that way. He cares too much when he does, gets involved in things that could (will) kill him someday. Maybe he'd been better off on this ship, surrounded by people who were, by a majority, just human like him. Out of the grasp of Heine and Naoto's demons. But now that the ship has crashed, maybe they're all, well. Fucked, as he'd say.

The crash had shaken them all in more ways than one. The camp had been set up, the injured tended to, rations distributed. She'd helped with the later, as it was one of the only things she felt confident doing. After a few hours though, she knew she needed to see Badou, to really check up on him away from everyone else. She'd managed to save her few belongings, from the dresses to the cigarettes, and knows which one he probably needs right now. She texts him once the MIDs are working again, tells him where to meet her. This planet doesn't seem to have many distinctive landmarks, so she just describes a piece of wreckage that should be easy to identify. Nill settles herself on the damp ground, and lets her head fall back against the twisted metal. Everything is shrouded by a thick fog, and her wings itch from the mugginess.

Yeah, they're probably all fucked.

Comments

[brokeassgoing]

[he knows he's made titanic jokes for around the past five or six hours but this must have been what it was like. minus the car sex. which, you know, whatever, not necessary.

it'd be a jumble of words and pain, of color that spun around his eyesockets, even the empty one, only to come to a stop so silent he almost wished for the taste of grave dirt there huh.

Badou's heart had only started up again when he'd seen the text, had scrambled to find a single flicker of that blonde hair--

When he sees her he stops in his tracks, breath held in his throat in an attempt to still sound On The Level]

Nill....

[culver]

[She hears him coming and opens her eyes to look at him as he approaches. She knows she looks a mess--dirt on her face, hair and feathers ruffled--but he looks to be in a whole other kind of disarray. Nill doesn't need to be good at reading people to know that he is suffering some kind of crisis. Honestly, they all are--but he seems to feel things like that more than the average person. She almost wishes she knew why.

There isn't much of a response she can give him, so she starts fishing around in her little bundle of items. Eventually, her small hand emerges holding that little tube of nicotine and death he loves so much. She has more, but one will be okay for now. As much as she dislikes the habit, he needs one. Hell, she might, too.

She gives the ground beside her a pat. Come on, friend. Have a seat.]

[brokeassgoing]

[everyone looks like shit but somehow Nill still looks ethereal when Badou probably has literal crap stains in his underwear. taking a deep breath, he takes a seat, quiet for once which probably speaks all there needs to be said about this clusterfuck.

but that single green eye narrows in on her and doesn't look anywhere else for awhile]

You good? How many fingers do I have up?

[there are three. one for every god he prayed to up there]

[culver]

[His lack of witty remark or any crass words does tell her quite a bit. He's still in shock--she is, too. But that shock somehow gives her the clarity to worry about someone besides herself. Probably because she's just glad he'd made it out alive. Nill wouldn't know what to do without someone from home here with her. She doesn't know who she'd turn to.

But his gaze makes her want to look away; she doesn't like being stared at, even by someone she knows. It's only concern, she knows, but it's still a little uncomfortable. When he finally breaks his silence, her shoulders unwind from their hunched position. She hadn't even known she'd scrunched them up. Still, she's able to roll her eyes and hold up three fingers. Yes, she's fine. They're both going to live for the foreseeable future.

The exasperation fades to concern, and her brows pinch together. Is he good? Just to make sure, she holds the cigarette out to him. It increases the odds of his response being favorable.]

[brokeassgoing]

[her reaction, sassy as it is, is perfectly, delightfully welcome. it shows despite they're shell shocked and fucked over this entire situation, at least their heads are on right. you know as right as they ever had been.

Badou brightens considerably at the sight of that sweet nicotine, plucking it from her fingers to immediately light it. he could barely save his own ass but he saved his lighter collection? amazing.]

I'm alive, at least. You know how it is. Out of the fryin' pan and into the pan.

[once he's certain she's alright (for the moment), he peels his gaze away.]

Looks like they're almost used to this. Prepared.

[culver]

[Part of her feels bad that she's aiding him with his habit, but mostly, she's just glad he's still around to light a cigarette at all. Bad metaphor aside, they're safe and sane, and she takes comfort in that for right now.

Nill settles back against the tree, watching the people move about the camp. He's right, she thinks. They're going about their, well, daily business. Helping the wounded, cooking for the hungry, preparing shelters and defenses. It comes off as so normal for them--she wonders if this kind of thing had happened to them before. And the fact that it might have... worries her. This isn't the kind of life she'd expected to lead.

Nodding, she shifts her wings into a more comfortable position. She doesn't know if she can do this. She isn't a survivalist--a survivor, yes. But she's always lived with walls, whether by force or choice. Being at the mercy of the wild--especially an alien planet's wild--isn't something she thinks she's prepared for.]

[brokeassgoing]

[Maybe in spite of how long they've known each other, or maybe Heine's Nill Senses are rubbing off on him-- either way, it doesn't take a scientist to notice how uneasy she looks. Terror aside, of course.

So, after he sucks down some delicious nicotine, he reaches over and ruffles her hair. A light smile hovers along his mouth.]

Hey now, don't worry. Just means we'll know how to use as meat shields this time, yeah? It'll be fine.

[their experience is certainly not lost on them and he, too, wonders if this is Normal.]

[culver]

[The hair-ruffle knocks her out of her thoughts, and she swivels her head to look at him. Her face is scrunched up and she tries to flatten her hair and bangs back down. But the scrunching turns into a small smile. Even when he says something ridiculous, it's still comforting for some reason.

Nill reaches over to give his head a gentle pat in return, and nods. They'll make it through this because they have each other, sappy as it sounds in her head. He'd probably laugh if he could hear her thoughts.]

[brokeassgoing]

[he makes a big deal of squawking at her own headpat for him, but nothing can hide the smile playing upon his lips.

Yeah, they'll be alright. Probably.]

Tough types like us, we're always alright. Gotta be.

[maybe said to himself more than her. then:]

You get fed in this trashheap yet?

[culver]

[He thinks she's tough? Nill's cheeks go a little pink and she looks away so he won't see. Naoto is tough. Heine is tough. She's just... Nill. But it still means a lot to hear Badou say it, to compare her to the three of them. It makes her think that maybe she could be tough.

She looks back to him at the question and shakes her head. She hasn't done much of anything except care for other people since the crash. She'd handed out food, but had neglected to get any for herself. She cocks her head at him; did he eat?]

[brokeassgoing]

[her reaction makes him grin a little wider, and he smooths down her hair a little more, climbing to his feet with a groan.

it makes you really open your eyes, how compact your bones get when you're shaken all over space and kingdom come.]

We'll haveta fix that. I think they've got stuff better than soup kitchens...they've got that going for them. C'mon.

[culver]

[Nill hops up after him, a little more spry now that she knows he's safe--and that they're going to get some food. It's amazing how the body can find a small reserve of energy once it knows it's about to eat.

Attempting to fix her hair once more, she follows him towards the camp. She can already smell whatever it is someone is cooking, and she is Here For It.]

[brokeassgoing]

[again not that he has anything against soup


he just wants something that'll stick to his bones, thanks. The line is long as hell, unsurprising since half the crew (that survived) is here.]

Figured in the future, in space, old world shit like lines would stop.

[culver]

[Ah yes, Nill had forgotten about the line. Her stomach rumbles and she pats it gently as if that'll make it quiet down. The blonde kicks at the dirt with the toe of her stupidly fancy Mary Jane shoe, and wishes some of her more practical clothes had survived the crash. A small smile crosses her lips at his comment, and she gives a shrug; what can you do? Hungry people are hungry people, and will line up all orderly-like when it means free food.]

[brokeassgoing]

[its irritating....even though he knows, logically, everyone's in need...especially after that trauma of almost dying...but still! he's got a kid to feed ok. fuck.]

Honestly...

[the little line shuffles along and Badou wonders how hard she'll beat him up if he makes a scene. This is when he eyes her curiously, thinking]

[culver]

[On a normal day, Nill would be completely against Badou causing a scene. It is rude and everyone would give them dirty looks. But today is most certainly not a normal day. So Nill eyes him back, and then raises her eyebrows before letting herself wobble very precariously on her feet. Who can resist a feintfainting angel?]

[brokeassgoing]

[he's never been so fucking proud. he beams at her before he winks. okay they can do this. wrapping an arm around her, he gently drags her forward--]

HEEEEEEEELLLLP! HELP! THIS GIRL'S GOT LOW BLOOD SUGAR-- SHE NEEDS SOMETHING STAT! HELP A BROTHER OUT!

[culver]

[Honestly, there is never anything gentle about being dragged around. But she does her best to stagger along, trying not to be entirely dead weight. She watches the faces as they pass, and they mostly seemed concerned. That's good, right? They're nearing the front of the line and she seems to be putting on a good enough show.]

[brokeassgoing]

[sorry Nill he's sort of waving you around a little, please don't get dizzy and puke--

but its true, they are moving on up in life! Two more spots and they're at the front! Those in charge of their meager share hurriedly pour a bowl for Nill, some murmuring of getting medical.

One arm around Nill, he accepts her bowl and puts it under her nose]

No, no, she's a strong girl, it's just the blood sugar! She'll be so embarrassed, she'll turn all pink and its so cute I can't let you fuckers see it. Her guardian'll kill me.

[culver]

[She's already embarrassed, Badou, but she's honestly too tired and shell-shocked to care. Once the soup is basically in her face, she does her best fluttering-eyelashes-as-I-wake face. Someone give this kid an Oscar. She reaches up to take the bowl with one hand, as if it's the Holy Grail. Yes, give her sustenance, shitty space soup. She's starving.]

[brokeassgoing]

PRAIIIIIIIIIIIISE THE LOOOORDDD! PRAAAAAAAAAISE HIIIIIM! SHE'S ALIIIIVE!

[sorry Nill it just got worse. you can probably tell by his wiggling how he wants to do jazz hands or something but he can't



yet]

[culver]

[Oh my God. She can't handle this anymore. Her face is definitely red now, and she grabs the bowl with both hands before trying to scamper off away from the line. Please, Badou. Please.]

[brokeassgoing]

Hey gimmie a minute! [he sells it, sells the scene long enough for him to get his own bowl and then he bolts after her once she wiggles away]

LETS GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

[culver]

[Dammit Badou!! She runs until she finds some cover behind a tent, where she promptly sets her bowl on the ground so she can crouch and cover her face with her hands. How could she have done this. She's so embarrassed.]

[brokeassgoing]

[is it just him or does it feel like all they ever do is run?? either way, he comes racing up to her hiding spot, laughing and sighing]

Oh man, that was good.

[culver]

[Running is what you do when you're good at being chased. After a few moments, Nill is able to lower her hands and sigh oh-so-deeply Badou is turning her into a troublemaker. But she reaches for the soup anyway and kind of lifts it up in a gesture of "we did it."]

[brokeassgoing]

[he laughs again, mouth stretched wide in a grin.]

To us.

[he toasts with his soup.]