You did it to keep yourself safe. You work with people who die on a regular basis. Your world and time are shit.

[ And it still hurts that he lied. It still breaks some of the trust she had in him. Deacon's a bullshitter and she's known it, but to know the extent is still painful. She wants very much to trust him fully. He knows her secret. Some part of her, some very dark and beast-like part of her whispers that it'd be easier if she took that from him so he'd never know again. It would be easy.

She shoves that way, disgusted with herself at even thinking it. Ava rubs at her arm. ]

I'm still mad at you. Actually, I'm fucking pissed.

[ Not just at him but at herself. If she'd paid more attention, if she'd gone with her gut... She's put him in danger because she's believed he was more resilient. Stupid, so stupid. Ava opens her mouth to say something, rethinks it, and closes her mouth again. When she speaks, it's quieter. ]

But I don't...hate you or anything. [ She doesn't. ] I lied to you too. I'm lying to everyone. It's not like I can act holier-than-thou and pretend I haven't done the same thing.