He can just about feel the rift open up between them in the span of silence after his words. Fuck. Fuck. He hadn't meant it that way.

How did you mean it then?

A panicked little coil of emotions tightens within his chest and he tries to stifle it to no avail. Even as Shepard speaks, reassures him otherwise, it does little to curb the anxious spike between his lungs.

I don't want this, I don't-

But he'd promised hadn't he? To be more open, to stop keeping secrets from her. And even if they never spoke of it again, he doesn't doubt that it will hang over their heads, a constant weight, a constant strain.

He just...

Didn't want to lose her. Lose this. Especially over something he should have been over with a long time ago. Wanted to be over with a long time ago.

Did you really think it was going to last?

The pessimism washes over him in a static wave and takes everything with it, leaving a strange, numbed calm. Nihlus takes in another, slower breath and lifts his hand away from his eyes, turning back to Shepard, expression unreadable in small span of silence that followed.

"I never thought." He stops and struggles for a moment, trying to find the words. "I never really thought I'd ever see him again."