crowkiller: (pic#10702729)
Zevran Arainai ([personal profile] crowkiller) wrote in [community profile] thisavrou_log2017-03-05 12:54 pm

Every single night pray the sun will rise

Who: Zevran and (crau) Bucky
When: Forward dated to March 8th
Where: Ingress Complex
What: Zev waking up from his canon update
Warnings: Feels???? Emotions??? Zev finally kinda knows how to deal with them.



[Things have been going well for Zevran. Too well in fact. So well that every once in a while he just has to stop and think about how in the world he was able to keep all of these nice things in his life. He has a home, a with some fluffy animal that waits for him near the door. He has a bed, while it was rarely made, that was kept warm by the person that cuddles next to him when he was home. He loves his home and the cares deeply for the one that lives there with him. It didn't stop those thoughts of worthlessness that would rise up when he watches Bucky doing mundane home things, or when he comes back from the fields. He didn't deserve this man, nor his love. Bucky is good, so good. He's escaped the life of death and blood for something peaceful. Zevran is proud of him for that, but he knows that the kind of quiet life Bucky wants will never be for him. He'll always kill people, there will always be blood on his hands, because it's all he knows. He wonders when Bucky will realize this and leave him.

It's one of those not so happy thought moments that Zevran finds himself in when it happens. He's in the kitchen, making coffee and staring at the drip. The stepford smile is gone from his face. He is alone in the kitchen, and there is no need to keep up appearances. The the war that is going on in his head is obvious as he stands facing the wall. His mind keeps going back to the tree house, where Bucky tells him he loves him and Zevran couldn't answer back. He keeps thinking about the look of hurt on Bucky's face, and he doesn't know what pains him more. The fact that Bucky told him it hurts or that Zevran did nothing to try and mend it. Both are awful, and he knows that Bucky deserves better.

His eyes close for a moment, a bit longer than a standard blink. He tries to recollect his thoughts before he grabs his cup, puts his smile back on and goes to face Bucky again with his self hatred rising higher than before. He doesn't make it out of the kitchen though. As soon as he takes a step his vision starts to blurr. His knees go weak and he feels his body fall limp and collide hard to the floor. The last thing he hears is ceramic cracking before everything goes blank, and then the sudden feeling of home.

Thedas, the Warden, and everything he left before. It's all there before him again. He remembers his vow of loyalty to the Warden, and keeps it as they pick up where he left. The merry band of misfits travel all across Thedas, gathering a army in their wake. He wasn't sure if the plan of the Warden would actually work, but the final battle against the Archdemon came, and they actually won. He survived, and the Blight was gone. He wasn't sure exactly how it all came together so well, but he was happy it did. The thing that surprised him the most was not the outcome of the battle though, it was how much he changed since meeting the Warden. Thanks to the her, he knew his worth. He knew he was worth life and happiness without the fear of the Crows lurking over his shoulder. He was jumped at the change to destroy them. It was after he started to plunge House Arainai into chaos that he heard the faint beep, beep, beep that sounded like something off of the old ship...the Moria? He almost thought that place had been a dream.

The beeping starts to ring in his ears, as does the mechanical hum of more machines, and the smell of sterile of a medical facility hits him hard. He wakes up from his dream, almost as suddenly as he had fallen into it. His eyes glance around but he doesn't quite move yet. He knows he isn't in Thedas anymore, the white walls, and blinking machines and the wires he is attached too make that obvious. He is back at home, in Savou.]


Ugh, that was a...long dream.

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