camouflage: (I AM AN EXPERT)
boss. ([personal profile] camouflage) wrote in [community profile] thisavrou_log2017-07-02 05:23 pm

(no subject)

Who: big boss, ocelot
When: early july
Where: R1
What: john and adam hash out what they know.
Warnings: #justmetalgearthings

He shouldn't be here. It's his first thought upon seeing the other side of the Ingress and the still startlingly familiar technicians who work on it. The welcome spiel goes in one ear and mostly out the other. What sticks retreats to the back of his mind, for later perusal. When he can actually care about things beyond the fact that he's not supposed to be here.

The symptoms of shock are all too familiar to a career soldier like himself. Detachment, disorientation, the burst of adrenaline as fight or flight responses take over. On the outside, he's on auto-pilot, feet taking him wherever, barely observing the new world around him. Just another new face in the crowd.

Why he shouldn't be here is fundamentally different from why any of the others who stumbled through the Ingress shouldn't be here. He died here. Well, not here, but Here. He died on this side of that damn portal. Shouldn't there be rules about that? If death was his escape back to his reality, shouldn't the Ingress be unable to pluck him back out again? It had been four years.

Hadn't it? No, no, if he thinks like that, runs his brain in circles about things he can't possibly understand, he won't make it a second time. Physically, he had aged. The proof of that was in his bones. That should be enough evidence that he left this place. It would have to be enough, he didn't have time to to puzzle it all out. Later. Much later. Right now, he had to get himself under control.

Aimless wandering had found him a railing to lean on, an area not suffocated by the throngs of people milling around. He looked out into the vastness of the new world, pushed fingers through his ever-whitening hair, and breathed in. Out.
shashka: (you're a failure)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-03 04:55 am (UTC)(link)
Ocelot prides himself on keeping calm under pressure, on being the one man who rarely let anything get to him (though, perhaps that was to be expected, when your co-worker was Kazuhira Miller). But, right now he feels like he's twenty years old again, making it all up as he goes along because he somehow managed to miss the damn rendezvous with the American. He hadn't felt this outmatched and outpaced in years. Not when he'd found out about Anderson's little "project". Not when Zero had resurfaced to give him one last mission after the Caribbean. Maybe not even when that bastard had started this whole damn thing.

It would've been one thing if it'd just been the inexplicable change of scenery. Hell, he could even get over the fact that he'd been here before and seemed to have no memory of it (not like it would be the first time). But what truly disturbs him are Venom's vague words and warnings about what the future supposedly holds.

...You're gonna be all right? Venom had asked him. That was the damn question of the day, wasn't it? He knew that he had to remain rational about the situation. After all, he only had a small piece of a very complicated puzzle. Yet, even as he rationally tries to reassure himself that there was a hell of a lot more going on than he knew, the same thought just kept surfacing in his mind.

"David" was going to kill "Big Boss".

For a man who prided himself on having all the answers, he was coming up pretty damn short on most of them right now. As more and more scenarios begin to play out in his head, he feels his composure slipping. He too looks for a less crowded place, only for his first choice to already be occupied by someone else who seems to have the same idea. For just a moment, that childish twenty-year-old almost surfaces, telling the man to find somewhere else (though he was here first), until he gets a real look at the guy, and a wave of different emotions pass over him.

He only says one word, but the shock in his voice is palpable.

"...John?!"

He was older since the last time he'd seen him. His hair was a testament to that (though still not quite as grey as he was). But Adam would recognize him anywhere.
shashka: (best frenemies)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-03 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
In much the same way, John had been the only person who'd ever really called him by his actual name. Every time he hears him say it, there's a part of him that almost feels comforted, regardless of the situation.

The key word, of course, is "almost".

He'd had some idea that John himself might've been here before, though the source was admittedly, not a particularly trustworthy once. Venom hadn't mentioned anything about it, but there was always a chance he didn't know himself (or, had been avoiding the topic entirely). He inhales deeply, managing to skillfully rebuild that careful veneer of calm he cultivates.

"Not exactly," he says, betraying little emotion, even as a part of him feels like he's somehow failed him, "I just arrived not too long ago, myself. I heard I was here before, but that's the thing: I don't remember it."

Though, given who Ocelot was, that's perhaps not entirely unexpected. Yet even as he speaks, something occurs to him:

"...You remember being here before?"

John remembered when both he and Venom hadn't. Once again, his mind starts racing. It wouldn't do to get ahead of himself, but even so, he feels a slight break in his feeling of unease.

But of course, he still needs more information.
shashka: (a jj abrams film)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-03 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
It was a good question, wasn't it? Why didn't he remember his last stay here? But that particular mystery could wait for the time being. The implications of what John says next are far more disturbing than what Adam may or may not remember.

Venom had warned him that what happens here might not make any difference in the long run. So now, not only did they have two examples of people not remembering their experiences here, but one solid example of someone remembering and it apparently not making any difference.

Fucking perfect. Again, Ocelot inhales deeply.

"Miller's the only one I haven't touched base with." But he definitely would. "I talked to the kids through that thing. It was an... enlightening experience," to say the least. Eli hadn't really changed a bit, but David... he was the one that had really interested him, especially given recent revelations. And speaking of that... "Later on, Venom gave me a basic rundown of the situation."

This time, Adam can't quite mask the furrowing of his brow, or the way his hands clench. It's subtle enough, but someone who's known him as long as John would probably be able to tell that he's shaken.

"He told me what happened," no, that wasn't right, was it? "-What's going to happen to him. To you."

Unless we change something remains unsaid. Casualties were inevitable in any war, and he'd always told John just as much. But, if there's one man who couldn't die, it was him. Not yet.
shashka: (god miller shut up)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-04 12:31 am (UTC)(link)
Adam's first instinct is to say no. That it can't happen. That he wouldn't let it happen. John always discounts how important he is, how much he means to... everyone. But he once again buries it down because what use is he to John if he just lets his emotions run wild?

Again, he takes a deep breath, trying to look at the situation as logically as he can.

"Are you absolutely positive?" no, wait, "Was David absolutely positive you were dead? We've had run-ins like these before. There's a chance..."

He refuses to let it end like that. If any of them deserved the chance to live in a free world, it was him. What was the point of any of it if he wasn't there?

For not the first time, he really thinks that he should've just split the Legacy with John, and left Zero to his own devices.
shashka: (activating laser eyes)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-04 02:17 am (UTC)(link)
Once again, there's so much that Adam wants to say but doesn't. He wants to say that who the hell cared if he survived, when the only person who'd ever really mattered in all of of this was dead? For more than half his life, he'd lived for him. It didn't matter what he did, so long as John was safe. Even his mother's legacy, and what it had actually meant, always seemed dwarfed in comparison to him. Adam would gladly trade his life, and so much more if it meant that John had a chance to live. After everything he'd been through, he deserved it.

He wants to say that he should be there, that somehow it'll make a difference. But, that would mean completely giving up his cover, leaving him exposed to the Patriots at best and dead alongside John at the worst. As tempting as it was... he knew that he'd see it through to the end. Because he owed John that much. He knows it's what he would've wanted. And if nothing else, he'd make sure that they'd all pay. Zero, or whatever was left of him. Every last "Patriot" agent. Dr. Clark. Donald Anderson. Kazuhira Miller. And once that was done...

His father had communicated with the spirits of the dead on the battlefield. Maybe they'd see each other again. If there was a hell, he would gladly live with it, as long as John was there.

Yet he says nothing like that, because what good what it do? Instead, he focuses on what's in front of him (though a small part at the back of his mind thinks that "the way he said it" wasn't all that convincing. But it wouldn't do to stay trapped in the 'denial' stage).

"Do we have any information on what I'm doing?" He's going to take a wild guess and say David didn't know anything about his true allegiances, but there's always some information to be gleaned.
shashka: (insert cowboy song)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-04 03:44 am (UTC)(link)
So John knows no more than Venom (or at least, no more than Venom's willing to divulge). The problem, of course, is the fact that he knows he could better understand the extent of what happened if he knew his future self's movements. All he can glean so far is that Eli was not overly fond of him, and David was... a mystery, to say the least. But out of all their candidates, there was one guy that he was (unfortunately) rather well acquainted with.

"Miller." The tone of his voice darkens, doing his absolute best to conceal his anger. As he continues to speak, he finds that it isn't working, "You know, the last thing I remember before arriving was this fascinating conversation the two of us had. He told me that you could 'go to hell' and he'd gladly train one of your 'sons' to send you there."

He'd be willing to bet good money that he had something to do with all of this. However, he isn't sure and as much as he hates to admit it, his dislike for the other man could be clouding his judgement in that regard. The only way to be absolutely sure is to talk to the man himself.

Venom might say this wasn't the future that he wanted, but it was apparently the future that they had. And he says the same thing to John that he said to Venom.

"You can't trust him."
Edited 2017-07-04 03:46 (UTC)
shashka: (gdi eli)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-04 06:19 am (UTC)(link)
Truthfully? Since the minute they'd first met, he hadn't been overly fond of the man. But, personal feelings aside, Adam would always maintain that it was for the best that Miller be kept in the dark. Unlike Adam, who'd left behind his juvenile nature in his twenties, Miller was volatile, temperamental and unpredictable. His reactions to Venom needed to be authentic, and he somehow doubted that he'd have trust Ocelot enough to go to the lengths that were needed.

And, he says just as much.

"He had to believe that he was the real deal. Just like I did."

Besides, if he'd actually cared about John as much as he said that he did, he'd have understood the reasoning behind everything. Had the situation been reversed (though, once again, given Miller's nature, it wasn't likely) he'd have understood. Because Adam saw the bigger picture, and didn't need to act like a petty spurned ex-lover the second something didn't go his way. He was almost reminded of EVA, in all the wrong ways.

But at least she'd realized her mistake. Adam had perhaps underestimated just how long Miller could've held a grudge. And now his mistake might cost them everything. Adam should've just put a bullet in his head, John's opinion be damned. Sure, he would've lost John's trust and friendship, but he might've still stood a chance against the Patriots.

(But again, he reminds himself that he isn't sure. He just suspects. And maybe, though he would die before admitting it, some of his dislike of Miller stemmed from petty jealousy over his unique friendship with John.)
shashka: (ghostdad genes dominate)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-04 11:38 am (UTC)(link)
Adam would agree that it should've never happened in the first place. If he'd been there, things might've gone differently. He would've recognized a clear ruse, and maybe, just maybe John wouldn't have lost nine years of his life, and Adam wouldn't have needed to once again allow himself to be used as a pawn in Zero's game. But Zero had known his weakness for years, and always used it to his advantage. Right from the start, he'd played both of them, him and Miller alike. And Adam hadn't realized it until it was too late.

He knows that so much of what happened had never sat particularly well with John, but that was because he was so much better of a man than he gave himself credit for. But, the fact of the matter was, this was how it had to be. If they were going to defeat Zero, or his "Patriots", sacrifices needed to be made. And if John couldn't do it, then Adam would.

He's silent for a moment, looking out into the darkness.

"I... had my suspicions," He finally admits. It wasn't as though they had ever directly spoken about it, but unlike some Americans who would remain nameless, Adam could see what was plainly laid out in front of him. Though, truthfully, he would've said Miller just thought that he loved him. If he really had, he would've dealt with it, not sworn revenge. "...But I miscalculated. I thought that if he was, he would understand." Like Venom had, and he was the one who'd probably lost more than all of them. Yet here he was, ready to die for the cause.
Edited 2017-07-04 15:10 (UTC)
shashka: (senpai notice me)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-05 04:10 am (UTC)(link)
Adam would argue that no matter what lengths they went through, they would always be better than Zero, if only for what they stood for. In the end, it was still better to live and die free in a world, no matter how imperfect, than to be subjugated to complete control by an outside force, stripped of your free will. Was this what the Boss would've wanted? Of course not. But, she wasn't around to see it, now was she?

As he continues to speak, Ocelot sighs. Venom had said almost exactly the same thing to him, word-for-word. As much as he hated to admit it, the only thing killing Miller would get him was a brief feeling of satisfaction before the inevitable looks of utter disapproval that would come from two of his only real friends.

Obviously, all the cons far outweighed the pros, and he's sure to let John know it.

"Boss, while we're here, I can promise you that I won't harm a single hair on his head." As if to emphasize the point, he uses the title instead.

But, he will be thinking of other, far more creative ways to decrease the man's quality of life. Maybe he just might give a whole knew meaning to the phrase "kill them with kindness". 'Big Boss' couldn't fault a man for being pleasant, could he?

"Speaking of information, when did you start to go grey? If you're not careful, you just might catch up to me." The best place to start digging was with a friendly source. Not that he could be that much further ahead than Adam.
Edited (missed a last sentence for context) 2017-07-05 04:19 (UTC)
shashka: (ghostdad genes dominate)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-05 05:33 am (UTC)(link)
"You know, if you're not careful, I might actually stand a chance at beating you," Adam says, though they both know that's unlikely to be true. A nine year age difference can only do so much, after all, and the older you get, the less it matters. Unfortunately, John had always managed to surpass him.

"And I look forward to seeing what you've built," though that might be perhaps slightly undercut by the knowledge that they were going to die, but it's the thought that counts for now, "Though I can't imagine that I'd be able to be around as much as I'd like. Do you know what I've been doing to keep busy?"

While the Diamond Dogs had been in Afghanistan, it was surprisingly easy to keep up his appearances with the GRU. Shalashaska did, after all need his space to work. By '90, he'd like to think that his homeland had managed to get themselves out of that whole mess. Funny how they'd mocked the Americans for Vietnam only to fall victim to the same hubris barely a decade later.
shashka: (git gud)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-05 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
It had been years- decades since the last time they'd faced each other, hadn't it? It had almost seemed like they'd spent more time together since then, but most of that had been while John was unresponsive, and Adam had resigned himself to caring for a man that would never wake up. And with their war picking up... This might just be the last time that they ever have. And Adam planned to make the most of it. After all, for the time being, he had an even greater advantage in youth. It'd be something to see what he could still do. "I'll try not to disappoint."

As his friend continues to speak, Adam shakes his head. What else could he expect from himself? John was probably the man that he was most honest with, and he would share what he could, but even then, he had his limits. Some of it was just in his nature. Other things needed to stay silent for the sake of his missions. And some secrets would do absolutely nothing but make things difficult for the both of them, if they came to light.

Still, what little information he had could give him some insight into what he was doing. After all, he knew himself well enough. The part about the Soviet Union was... strangely disappointing, and perhaps a little disturbing. He'd never been particularly bound to his country, or deeply patriotic. But for just a moment, a small twinge of regret passes over him.

For better or worse, the Cold War had shaped the both of them, made them who they were. Without the splinter between the Philosophers, Adam might've grown up in the care of his mother and father, instead of being shunted from facility to facility, before being dropped at Volgin's feet. And without the need for soldiers to fight American proxy wars, what would've John done? Would they even have met? For all of his mother's wishes of making the world one, that was one thing he wasn't sure he'd have ever wanted to trade.

"I thought we'd have at least another fifteen years," he says, but there were greater implications at work than just a blow to his Russian pride. "So the 'evil empire's' going down, leaving America alone as the last great superpower. You aren't the only one that's making a move."

One world, under complete control. That was what Zero, or his proxies wanted. And with the Soviet Union falling so quickly, their cause was only furthered. And by the time it was all done, it might just be time for Ocelot to re-integrate himself back into the Patriots.
shashka: (senpai notice me)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-06 06:29 am (UTC)(link)
What can he say? Maybe he's a prouder Soviet patriot than he would ever give himself credit for. Or maybe, he'd just hoped for more time. But the truth was, the cracks were already there. Eventually, be it five or fifteen years, it would've all come tumbling down.

"And somehow, that year felt like an eternity. I don't know how we didn't see what he was sooner," Adam says, sighing. He can still remember that fateful call with his 'mysterious benefactor'. That had been his chance to walk away. With the Philosophers as good as gone, he could've lived whatever life he wanted. Devote himself to the Party and work his way up to General Secretary. Actually work in the military. Keep spying just for the hell of it. But the offer that Zero had made him had been too good to refuse, especially when he accepted the one condition Ocelot had. The chance to work alongside John...

It was so easy for Zero to manipulate him. John had always been his biggest weakness, and yet... he'd always made the same choice again and again, out of his own free will. What would it mean when he was finally gone, and Ocelot was the one left to carry on their fight?

But he couldn't just focus on that, now could he?

"You, back behind a desk," metaphorically speaking, of course, "too bad I won't be able to see it. You'll have to send me a picture."
shashka: (well then)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-06 08:32 am (UTC)(link)
Adam understands something of John hadn't said anything. The Boss, and her wishes was a topic that they rarely touched on, after all. As the years wore on, he had occasionally begun to wonder if it really mattered anymore what his mother truly wanted. And, she had been far more of a mother and mentor to John than to him. He'd respected her, honored his promises to her and avenged her death in his own way, but his level of reverence had never quite matched John or Zero's. In the end, he supposes that he must've took more after his father (particularly in one rather frustrating regard).

There is something comforting about the fact that John hasn't completely given up hope, that there might still be a chance to stop this before it gets truly out of hand.

"A proverbial snake pit, so to speak. But, you've always managed it before." Usually, by eating all the snakes, he'd like to note. "I'd tell you to send Miller my regards, but you and I both know that'd only make things worse." There was just something about the other man that grated in a similar way that EVA had. But, in the end the two of them had made peace, and even formed something of a friendship. Maybe, had things been different, the same might've happened with the two of them.
shashka: (gdi eli)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-07 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
"Well, you can blame him for that," Adam frowns, looking somewhat like the petulant young man that John had once met all those years ago. The truth was that while Miller had been the one to often go off in bouts of barely-contained rage. There had been the fiasco with Quiet, his inability to handle Eli and the kids, just one thing after another. Still, "it was a shame. Whenever he put aside our differences, we were always more productive."

Like when they dealt with Huey Emmerich. It was perhaps the only time the two of them were completely on the same page.

At John's next question, Adam contemplates things. Eventually he might ask him more questions. But there was one thing that he absolutely had to know.

"Just one more thing. You remember, right after you woke up how I told you about the unmitigated disaster that was Heaven's Gate?" Maybe it had been completely irrelevant to anything, but it was a movie so truly awful that it had killed a genre (one that had been in decline, but still). And Adam had no one to talk about it to for years. "For you, it's been ten years since then. Do you know if they ever made another decent Western again?"

Given what he's gotten from the future so far, he doesn't exactly have all that much hope. But even so... after ten years, someone must've eventually brought them back.
shashka: (you don't say...)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-08 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
Maybe it was a ridiculous thing to ask about, given what was at stake. But, there would always be time to find out more about the direction their inevitable doom might take. Sometimes, you need to take time for the simple things in life (if you could call Western movies simple).

(and... he has to admit that it was nice to see his friend looking a little more relaxed for the first time since they started talking)

Just like before, he listens to John with rapt attention, only this time, a smile slowly begins to spread across his face. Again, it wasn't all that much to write home about in the grand scheme of things, but it gave him one thing to look forward to, if nothing else.

"John, if they can make good Westerns again, I think there just might be some hope for the future."

And he has yet another goal: see if any of those movies are out there somewhere.
shashka: (you're a failure)

[personal profile] shashka 2017-07-09 05:55 am (UTC)(link)
Wait and see. Well, Adam had done that for nine years, hadn't he? Only now, instead of living with the hope that John would someday wake up, he'd be living with the knowledge that he'd die at the hands of one of his sons. Even though he'd long since known it was a possibility, the idea of it becoming a reality wasn't one that he'd forget, even here. One day, he'd find the answers that he needed.

Until then, he'd do his part for John, here. Well... that and...

"You don't have to ask me twice," he says, almost smiling in spite of himself. As uncertain as everything was, knowing that John was here with him was still a comfort, of sorts.

Even if things didn't end up going south back home, it still might be the longest time the two of them are ever together in one place again.